PHYSICAL ATTRACTION

Physical attraction has become the major reason why many people start a relationship, we put chemistry and sexual attraction as the priority and once that is established, we have enough reason to get into a relationship, while that may be good enough for a relationship without direction, it's sure not enough for one that must lead to marriage.

Physical attraction is easy, you can be attracted to many people, that doesn't mean you can marry them all, what determines who you can marry also consists of but not limited to physical attraction. You have compatibility, core values and ofcourse Love to consider, so if the attraction is the only thing you have considered, you have started on the wrong footing.

One of the many reasons why relationships and marriages don't last is because people have ranked chemistry and physical attraction very high, so what happens is, after the initial rush of emotion settles and we begin to see the weakness of our partners, it's easier for us to start noticing other people and if for any reason you find yourself being attracted to another person, you begin to gravitate towards that person and this cycle continues until we realize that starting a relationship is beyond physical attraction.

The Real Man

The verse ' it is not good for man to be alone' in gen 2 has been interpreted differently by many and has been the reason why certain people act the way they do. For some, it is a clear explanation of our strong sexual urge, others think it a reason why one should always be in a relationship and for many, once you fit the description of what the world defines as a man, then you can do what you want, when you like and how you like it, after all you are a 'man'. 

Biology teaches us that once your voice breaks and becomes deep, begin to produce sperm cells and grow beards, you are a man, at least a young man. Society accepts that once you have a job or generate income, you are a man.

Whatever our definition of who or what a man should be, all these points to the reason why a guy decides it's time to be in a relationship or get married.

While many of the reasons might seem logical, it is important to know that is is quite different from God had in mind when he was talking about the kind of man that should not be alone.

 

Firstly, this guy had a real relationship with God, the first relationship he had was with God and he was also submitted to Gods will and directives.

Secondly, understand that this man (Adam) God was talking about understood his reason for existence, he understood his purpose and assignment and he was working it out

Thirdly, it was in going about his assignment that the need for a help meet came, he needed help to achieve greater feats, it was a help meet he needed not just a sex meet, he needed an addition, a plus to make him fruitful, multiply and replenish the earth.

No doubt she was beautiful, very attractive and they were compatible. While these points are very essential to every man, a real man knows the difference between what he really needs and what he merely wants.

Based on mans definition of a man, I dare say that, it is good that some 'Men' be alone, why? Because they haven't grasped the reason for a wife yet, like they say; 'when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable' .

GET SET !!!

 

On your mark is a time when it seem you are still on the ground, but he who looks closely would see that this person has got something on his mind, get set is a time when no matter what you are doing you must stop and set your eyes on the road, you must let all other thoughts cease and focus on the goal.

Get set, because relationships are not for babes, its for mature minds, its a field of emotional roller coaster but needs the stability of wisdom, and if you are not truly ready, it will be obvious.
Get ready because there would be ups and down, but you should not chicken out.

 Now you that you have taking time to process what went wrong in your last relationship, you have cried, you are getting better, its time to move on, so get set, at this point, your position makes it impossible to look back,  its time to move forward and reach for your dreams so GET SET

BE CONFIDENT: Not being in a relationship is not the end of the world, there are a lot of people who are in a relationship or married yet are not happy or fulfilled, be confident in yourself, as you continue to groom yourself knowing that you are not the problem, be confident that there is someone out there for you, who will be the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh. whom you will give all that you are to.

NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS: a lot of people at a certain stage begin to fret and just want to be in a relationship with just anybody, what would be the essence of all the grooming yourself and trying to get better? let me say it again don't settle for less, its better to be lonely than to be miserable, any potential relationship that has no potential future should be stopped immediately. I know it sounds easy to say, after all, am not the one feeling lonely and alone, yes true, but would you be in a relationship that feels like you are just tolerating the person? I don't think so. I have heard this story a lot of times, of how a lonely person enters a relationship and gets preyed upon, its always obvious such person is desperate and if the other person is not a good person, get ready to be used.


HAVE YOU PRAYED? : The honest truth is Prayer does so much than we know, well if you think prayer is not for you, too bad, because I don't see how praying to God for what you want is a big deal, someone told me: I have prayed about it and am tired of praying about it, I told her, ok will you rather talk to the devil about it, she laughed and said no, so dear, keep praying. Pray for connection to the right person, pray for wisdom and direction, ok don't see it like prayer, just make sure you talk to God about it everyday.

OPEN YOUR EYES: just so you know, your partner might not really look like what you expected at first sight. A lot of people met their partners looking like something else, but they had eyes to see that a little tweak here and there would do it, you need to see some people 4/5 years ago, you will wonder what made the transformation. You need to open your eyes to see what people can be order than what they are presently, a butterfly was once a moth. Maybe you will have to do their cloth shopping with them, maybe you will have to hit the gym together, maybe you will have to teach them a little bit of etiquette, maybe that's why God brought you into their life.



In conclusion, let me also talk to that couple who during the past few months your marriage has been a little rocky and you cant seem to understand what is going on, but you know it is for better for worse, you are not letting go, yes that's exactly the kind of  thought you need, Get set, you might have to schedule a meeting with a counselor or therapist, but you are not going to give up, this is your marriage, your partner, the one you chose, you are not going to turn your back because you know it can be worked out. as you get set, begin to look for someone who is equipped to help you both. Get into a book store and find a book that matches your need.

This is not a 5 step anything to get anything, its just something that you need to put in mind even as you begin to get set for a new phase of your life, after all is done, you will enter your relationship fully equipped to do it right, when you are ready, you wont need anybody to tell, you will know its time to GO.

ON YOUR MARK

 

 

On the race field, the most terrifying moment is the point when you are still down, with one knee on the ground, most times your heart is racing fast with blood pumps, your hands and leg are shaking, your mouth is dry and the truth is there is only one thing on your mind… the race.

There are so many reasons why people are  single and for some they see it as an issue, maybe you are yet to find the right person or you can’t date or even marry the person who Is interested in you, while some are seriously searching and the search seems not to be bringing any result. I know how it can be when you really wish to be in a relationship or married but you are not. Am always surprised too when I see people who are good looking and are mature but seem not to be in a relationship when that's what they really want. I know how you will begin to think that maybe you have a problem, or there is a curse over you or something of the sort, while it may not be any of that, you need to get your mind off searching as hard as that may be and start looking inward, into you, to see if you are that kind of person you would want to date….let’s call it ON YOUR MARK

   On your mark, you should begin to develop yourself, am sure you just don’t want to be in a relationship that will last for few weeks or months, if so, then you will need to begin to equip yourself with the right tools, those tools that will chisel you to be a better person and a better partner in your relationship. Building your mind is the best gift anyone can give himself, on your mark means becoming a better person, that means you are getting ready for a new phase, the truth is everyone loves good stuff, and its hard to let go of it, so make yourself a better person.

On your mark, you should begin to highlight your weaknesses and begin to walk on them, it’s not our strength that breaks our union, it’s our weakness and therefore we must know our weakness and begin to find ways to deal with them. What happened in your past relationships?, what have you learnt from it?, what would you have loved to do differently?, this is not a time you need to lie to yourself, you need to be totally honest. My problem with people is that they cry so much to be in a relationship, neglecting the killer in them that stifles life out of every relationship, part of becoming a better person is you learning how to deal and overcome your weakness.

On your mark, be careful of distractions and pressure, while you are getting ready to be in a relationship or married, distractions will come, it may come as people who are not really interested in you for keeps but temporarily, don’t entertain such, you need to remain focus and let your aim be all you have in mind, also don’t let anyone put unnecessary pressure on you, it’s your life and I don’t think they love you more than you do.  You will do well to watch the internal pressure building within you, even as you watch all your friends happy in their relationships or getting married. When you have learned how to deal with both internal and external pressure, it will help you ward off distractions, remember that, you need to manage anything, if it’s not it, it’s not.

 There are lots of things that make relationships even sweeter, for instance finances, I once heard someone say no finance no romance, as funny as that may sound, I think things such as finances play vital role in any relationship/marriage. The hardship faced by lack of finance can break any union. Apart from finance, being sure you are emotionally ready is also very important, you can’t be hurting and still dreaming of your ex and saying you are ready to be in a relationship, dealing with past hurts and being free from their bag gages is very important too.

The right person would come and you will find someone who is worth all this preparation, On your mark, signifies that you are getting ready, never mind that that you are still on the ground, you might be on the ground, but your eyes is fixed on a sight, your heart is hinged on a goal. Your last relationship might have left you broken and devastated, but you will rise up again, don’t be in a haste to get up, you may get disqualified, so first things first be on your mark.

MR & MRS BOND

BOND?! Yeah, Bond! Imagine James Bond having a wife, a wife who can match him in charm, looks, sophistication, specialty, charisma, action and a sense of purpose and yet she was there to support him. Imagine what these two would be able to do, can you just imagine what that kind of combination would be or do?, it would have to be a match from heaven.

 I am always asking God why and what can be done about the many problems of relationship and marriage, i began to think about marriage as i normally do and different thoughts began to  go through my mind. WHAT IS SO SPECIAL ABOUT MARRIAGE?


Marriage is an institution, an institution starting with a MAN and a WOMAN, that's Gods original plan, man and woman. if it was just man, the issue of marriage would never had come up, but with the woman, it was something different entirely, it was not a mistake, it was a deliberate action and so anything other than this, is not from God and definitely from the pit of hell, it CANT be a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, this is not up for debate! so with the woman, something very profound happened, the bible said and  God blessed them, now read the content of the prayer: Be FRUITFUL, MULTIPLY and REPLENISH the earth. (Gen 1:28)

The marriage institution is a living institution: it breathes, moves and grows, while you may not see the mouth, i tell you it has its food. When a man and a woman come together to be husband and wife, immediately that connection creates a living institution called marriage, but this can only be achieved with one thing.....THE BOND! God said for this reason shall a man leave his parents and cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh (Gen 2:24). Many people get married but they are not truly bonded, its true and obvious, because if two people are really bonded, no one would have a different agenda, no one would try to pay each other back, no one would put his/her needs before the others', no one would try to dominate, or intentionally hurt the other.

Marriage is an institution that has so much power, the power to be fruitful, multiply and replenish and this not just talking about giving birth alone, it also concerns your health, finances and everything that pertains to your lives. the truth is you cannot really be fruitful or multiply or replenish if you do not Bond, isn't it funny how one shall chase a thousand and two shall chase ten thousands, that's the power of multiplication and being fruitful.

There is so much one person can do, but there is much more two people can do, we are yet to see what two people who are truly bonded can do, we are yet to see the manifestation of a man and woman who above every other thing have decided to cleave no matter what may come, the world is yet to see the full impact of a real Mr. and Mrs. Bond.

The Real Mr. and Mrs. Bond don't give up on the living institution they created, they never let sickness, lack, misunderstandings get in the way of their institution, they know they have come together to achieve more, they focus more on their union, rather than their problem, they hold hands to fight sickness, lack, weakness, misunderstandings and every external enemy, they protect their turf, they have their guards on. They also feed their union with its need: communication, sex, friendship, openness and trust, respect, honor, appreciation, gratitude, they will go to any means to get new recipe for their union, just to make sure it is well nourished, they understand the impact of God and live by his words and dictate, they understand that they cant allow their union, ever remain the same, they strive to constantly make it grow, these guys know what they want, they are not confused: they know they want the relationship to work, not just work, but be healthy. these guys are truly bonded and so they understand that, its not about two people, but of one: the combination of them both.

You know what? these guys don't try to be fruitful or multiply, they are fruitful and they multiply, everything around them has the blessing of God, because they are what he wants. I know Mr. and Mrs. bond are not common in our world, but i can tell you, they do exist, and you can decide to be one. you can start by asking God to help you and your spouse become Mr. and Mrs. Bond.

LOVE FOUND ME...CAN I SAY NO?

A lot of young people want to know when is the right time to enter into a relationship? as frequent as that question comes, I really find it hard that they ask, because more often than not, they never heed to the answer that comes. People don't really care about such things, they believe love will find you at any time, any where, with that kind of mindset, it will be hard to say no to love when it does come, don't you think?


I do believe that we don't plan love, that love can actually find you, but my problem is, what about the numerous people who are not ready for love, what happens to them even when like they say, ''love found me''?

Its not about love finding you, the question is are you ready for love? this is not a question of age, but that of maturity, do you have what it takes to start a relationship? dear if you are not ready for the maturity that every relationship requires, tell love, thank you, not now and also tell the bringer of love, No.

The first thing I tell people, especially young ones is that, you just don't enter a relationship anytime you find a suitable person, trust me, you will see many of them, the question is are you ready to be in one?. some people are too young to even be thinking of relationship, others are not emotionally mature, while others are hurting from one emotional pain or breakup and so that puts them in a position where they are not a candidate to be in a relationship.
      when you make up your mind about when to be in a relationship and what you want from a relationship, that gives you a focus and ample time for you to prepare. Don't just let love pick you up and put you in a relationship when you are not ready for it, you have the power to make the choices in your life, not some external force you have no power over. for instance if you're not going to get married in the next9 to 10 years, what exactly are you entering a relationship for? is a relationship only for people who wants to get married? you may ask, if you re not thinking of a destination, so why then are you in a relationship? do you just hope to be in a relationship for thrills sake, maybe someone to kiss or touch or just to have sex with? that's the popular idea of what a relationship is all about in this century, but that's the wrong idea, its popular, but its wrong.

When you enter a relationship and you do not have a destination in mind, then its simply for selfish reasons, is that not the reason so many people complain of heart breaks?, most of the heart breaks usually come from people who don't have a clue as to why they are in a relationship. they like the guy/girl and so they feel that's enough reason, at the end of the day, issues arises, someone leaves and what do we have, hurts and pain.

The bible says in the songs of Solomon: do not awaken love till its time, because this man of wisdom knows what he is talking about, there are certain things you need to put into consideration before jumping into a relationship, amongst many are:
1  ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY MATURE?
2  ARE YOU READY TO COMMITT TO THAT PERSON?
3 WHY ARE YOU ENTERING THE RELATIONSHIP?
4 DO YOU SEE A DESTINATION FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP?
5 HAVE YOU PRAYED ABOUT IT?

The Last Fling ll

Alice: Hey Sandy, Sandy! oh sorry,
Sandra: Alice what's up?,
Alice: I have been trying to get your attention ever since, you seem to be lost in thought, any problem?.
Sandra: Not at all.
Alice: What is your plan after work today?
Sandra: Nothing serious she said, even as she could hear heart beat so loud she feared others could. Alice: So will you be up for a movie? or you've got plans with the groom?.
Sandra: Huh!, no, I really do not have any plan, but ill pass, thanks Alice, maybe next time.

Larry was in his house thinking of how the day would go, he had come to really be fond of Sandra, what exactly did he want from this girl? he asked himself, he was sure about it...he loved her and he was going to tell her that today, although she had always seem to shy away from deep emotional talk, he was not sure exactly what the issue is, her emotional life seem closed up, is she in a toxic relationship? or going through an emotional pain?, has she been heart broken? but then, she had never mentioned anything about any relationship to him, if she was, she would have verbalized it. He knew the chemistry between them is really strong and no doubt she likes him, what he cant say is, if she is in love with him. as a beautiful girl, with very lovely character he was sure she had loads of guys disturbing her, is that why she always seem distracted, sometimes he would ping her on her bb and it would take hours before she responds, his fear for today was how he was going to try not to touch her, he finds her so attractive, of course she wouldn't want that, he thought, why was he thinking of these things anyway, he was going to tell her how much she means to him and the need for them to take this friendship to another level.......

Jude was planning how the day would go, he had a plan to give Sandra a surprise visit after work and take her out to a lovely restaurant, The restaurant was new in town and situated close to the lagoon, he was sure she was going to love it. he wanted them to be alone and have some time to talk, she had seem a bit distant and always looking lost for quite some time now, he feels the toil of the upcoming wedding was getting to her, he knew it was going to be a hard thing for her to leave her family like that, they are tightly knitted together, but he didn't see how seeing them afterward would be a problem. Anyways, today he was going to assure her that everything was going to be okay.


Usually Sandra closes by 5 pm, but today she decided to leave by 4:30, she decided to walk down the stairs instead of using the elevator, she didn't want to think, but at the same time she found herself thinking, she put her hear piece on as she clicked play on her ipod. Taxi! she yelled, she got in and off she went.

When she got down, from the taxi, she looked to confirm the number of the address, it was right, number 63. she could feel her heart racing, she paused for a while, took a deep breath, removed her engagement ring and proceeded, why is she going there she asked herself, lost in thought, and she replied because he is my friend and I can visit anyone I want, almost as if she and someone were talking. she rang the door bell, waited for a while and did again, she heard Larry's voice saying ill be right there. He opened the door smelling of a very nice after shave, with his skin clear like he just had his bath. He was wearing a white fitted T shirt and khakis, They hugged each other for almost a minute, that kind of hug that made the room silent, yet was screaming out so many other emotions. with the question :how was your day, came other discussion and they went on and on.

As the conversation went on, she could feel the pain in his eyes, even as his eyes was moist by the upcoming tears, he was talking about his childhood and how his father used to mal treat his mother, she felt like she should lift away the pain he was feeling, she reached out to touch him on the shoulder, he reached out back to her and they held each other in a close embrace and in the next two seconds, they were kissing each other so passionately, different thoughts going on in their different minds, kissing getting deep, soon positions were changed and things were getting more heated, soon tops were off and it got even hotter... At this point they were almost naked and he whispered into her ears, should I go on? she said yes, then NO!, then Yes. He stopped the kiss and said he doesn't want to complicate the relationship, that he would rather use protection, she nodded and said ok.

So he dashed out of the house to a nearby shop, but couldn't get any, he called a taxi to take him to the nearest mall, not so far.

Jude got to Sandra's office only to be told that she left early, he tried her number severally, it was switched off, he was scared and hoped nothing was wrong, he didn't want to call anyone at her house, he called Mary her closest friend, she didn't know of her whereabouts either, but Mary told him to check a certain place where they both used to like to go, it was a solitary place where jazz and poetry was played, she liked to go there, it helped her cool off, Jude was on his way, but was held in traffic, which even made the situation more frustrating. Suddenly he heard a sound, it was the door of a cab, it hit and scratched his car, in annoyance he wound down to give the person a piece of his mind. What the hell...Larry!!! what in the world are you doing here?

Larry and Jude had been friends during their university days in los Angelis in the U S, Larry jumped into the car and they began to talk, there was a lot he wanted to say to Jude he said, but Jude should help him get to the mall where he wanted to get something. when he got into the car, he began explaining to Jude how he thinks he is in love with a certain girl, who is in his house right now, but he isn't sure of how things are going as a matter of fact the evening had been a little bit steamy and that he had jumped out before the sex started to get a condom, but he wanted more than sex with the girl.....

Sandra thought Larry wanted to get the condom maybe in the next room or somewhere in the house, but he had taken longer than usual, so she realized he had gone out to get one, she switched on the T V and surfing through when she saw a programmed titled SKOOL OF MARRIAGE, and someone saying something like:'' Whatever you do before your marriage is the foundation you build your union upon''. All the turmoil she had been feeling rose to the surface, she started asking herself: what am I doing here? why am I doing this? she realized she had gone too far and she just imagined how betrayed Jude would feel if he ever got a  wind of this, how could she be so stupid, what else did she want, she didn't know how things had spiral out of control, she started sobbing profusely, she felt so ashamed and sad, the fact that she would have had sex if there was a condom scared her beyond reasoning, she never thought she was capable of such actions, she put on her clothes and wore back her shoe, with tears streaming down her face. should she go and then call him afterwards or wait to explain to Larry that she didn't want all this and that she was engaged to someone. she decided she was going to..........

Jude was enthralled by the present story of his long time friend and that helped distract him a bit from his own predicament, he had driven Larry back to his apartment, packed outside as they continued their conversation, Jude told him to take it slow and tell the girl what he really wanted and that they can do without the sex, he told him of how the girl he would be marrying in the next five month was such a blessing, they had had sex once, but never again after they asked for forgiveness, Larry thanked him, they exchanged numbers and Jude starts the car to move. He had moved just a little bit forward when Larry flagged him down, he reversed and Larry said, you know what, I would like you to meet this girl, she is such a gem, okay no problem Jude said as he came down from the car.

    Larry went in before Jude, just to make sure Sandra was decent, he found her already dressed and crying like a little girl, as he bent down to look at her face and ask what the problem was, Jude walked in and said is all okay, Sandra and Larry looked up and in a minute Sandra was frozen,
Jude: Sandra!!! where have you been? sorry what is wrong?
Larry: this is the lady I ve been....you know her?

Sandra just stayed there crying and whispering, oh! what have I done to myself?
Jude: Larry is this the lady you were talking to me about?
Larry: Yes, you know her?
Jude: yes, this is my fiancé

Jude couldn't help the tears that began to flow down his cheeks, Sandra why? why did you do this? and he stormed out of the house and drove off

 Larry: is that true? is he your fiancé?
Sandra nodded yes as she kept on crying, she picked up her bag, looked at confused Larry, with tears in her eyes, said am sorry and left.......


THANK YOU FOR READING.....Please kindly drop your comments


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